Another Angel

As promised, I want to tell you about Justin's birth day.

I had been feeling like I had a little more discharge than usual (TMI - I know) all weekend. It honestly didn't seem like a big deal since my due date was still almost 6 weeks away. I tried to ignore it, but then I started having some strange pains on Sunday. After calling the doctor, they wanted me to come in. The doctor I was seeing at that time was in Franklin. After feeling my belly and listening to the heartbeat, they decided to check the extra fluid. The doctor, Dr. Williams, quickly walked out of the room. When he came back he told me that I was leaking amniotic fluid and Justin would have to be born immediately. He said if my water had been leaking all weekend, there was a great risk of infection. I was devastated and scared.

I called Joey immediately from the examination room to tell him I was going straight to the emergency room. He was working at home and needed to get Jackson dropped off with Annette. They moved me to L&D and I couldn't sit still. I just kept pacing the room. When I saw Joey get out of the elevator, I burst into tears.

I had wanted to have a natural birth this time, but very quickly they started the Pitocin. It made the contractions very painful and I gave in. The epidural they gave me was a "walking epidural" meaning it was very weak and I could still get up and move around. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, Justin was ready. And when I say ready, I mean he was READY! He did not want to wait for the doctor. The nurse actually was holding Justin's head so he wouldn't come out. When Dr. Williams came in he asked me how I was doing. I pointed down at the nurse and said, "She's hurting me!" He told her to leave me alone and I got ready to push. I pushed exactly twice and Justin was out. I felt really good, but I heard the doctor say, "Come on little fella - breathe." I waited anxiously to hear him cry. It seemed like forever, but I finally heard his little cry. He weighed 6lbs 4oz and was born at about 2:37 a.m. He was HUGE considering he was born 5 1/2 weeks early!

Shortly after taking him to get cleaned up, Joey came to tell me that they would be taking Justin to the Vanderbilt Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. His lungs weren't developed enough. I was so upset and I just cried and cried. They took me to see him before he left, but I never got to hold him. He looked so pitiful with all those tubes hooked up to him. I was moved to a regular room and made Joey go with Justin. I couldn't stand the thought of him being alone without one of us there. All I had was a little Polaroid they had taken of him.

I managed to get some sleep, but the next day all I did was pace the floor of the hallway. I was determined to leave ASAP and wanted to show the doctor I felt well enough to leave. When the doctor came in around lunch time, she did not want to let me leave yet. It had been less than 12 hours since he was born and she wanted me to have more time to recover. I begged her to let me go and she finally gave in. I was released at about 1 p.m. and Joey picked me up to go to Nashville. I can remember hurting so badly as I walked to his room that I had to hold on to the rail of the hallway to stand-up. I did finally get to see him and I was still devastated at how small he looked. I wanted to hold him so badly, but all I could do was rub his back or tummy. I did finally get to hold him the next day, but not very long.

We stayed at a hotel for a couple of nights, hoping to get in the Ronald McDonald house. We finally did and it was such a blessing to us. They had everything we needed and were so wonderful to us.

After about a week, I was at my breaking point. My Granny was on her death bed and the two events were more than I could take. I remember falling to my knees and begging God to help me. I just cried and prayed on my knees hoping He was listening. He was. When we went to see Justin that morning, he had moved to the NICU step-down. He had shown major improvement, but had two other problems. First, he could not regulate his temperature. Second, he was jaundiced. I remember telling the doctor that I would keep the house at 98 degrees if he would just let me take Justin home. Someone brought Jackson to see us almost every day and I really needed that. I am so grateful to Ronnie and Annette for being able to keep him for us.

Justin continued to show improvement, while my Granny worsened. Ten days after Justin was born, she passed away. I've heard people say they only got through tough times with God's help. This was definitely one of those times. I just don't think right now that I could ever be tough enough to deal with the situation again; there would be a nervous break-down involved. The day after she passed, the doctor gave us some good news. Justin could go home - the same day as Granny's funeral. It was ironic that as one life was leaving us, another was coming to us.

Justin had to sit in a car seat for two hours with his vitals measured before we could take him home. We left to go to Granny's funeral in Lawrenceburg. We then quickly headed back to get him. He was so tiny in that big seat. At this point he only weighed around 5 lbs.

One of my favorite pictures of the boys is when we all got home and Jackson got to finally hold his baby brother. His eyes were so wide and the look on his face was magical. They are so close now and I am so happy they have each other. I can't wait to take a similar picture when Jameson is born. Jackson and Justin will both be such great big brothers.

My threshold for stress is much lower now that I am older and I hope Jameson's birth is not as eventful as the other two!